Away from Home and lonely
Ways to Cope if you are feeling friendless while abroad
Living abroad can be daunting, especially when you are unfamiliar with the language. Happy are you as a tourist on holiday. You can be carefree - your stay is short, you have friends or family with you, and there is no need to handle the drudgery of day-to-day life or the challenge of assimilating into a new culture. And if the weather is not to your taste you can simply fly home. But not when you are living abroad, permanently, whether as a student or as a professional.
Professionals can find life abroad particularly difficult, as colleagues tend to go home to their families after work. Or, if you work in an environment where you are the only foreigner, you may find yourself feeling ignored. Just remember that your colleagues themselves are probably unsure of what to say to you, or how to sustain conversation, so one tip is to be brave and share funny personal details of yourself (without compromising yourself of course). This helps them to relax around you and share with you as well. This may not always be easy so ask yourself carefully if you are in an environment that will be nurturing enough for you in the long run, an environment that will help you grow to like the country you are in.
Community Hangouts
In every country you will find minority groups congregating in such places: supermarkets, restaurants, universities, places of worship and recreational places such as in theatrical groups, karaoke clubs and video arcades. Every person living abroad will face this question at one time or another: “Should I or should I not mingle with only my own community?” You want to assimilate with the natives, and so you may avoid the ‘danger’ of only being seen around your minority group. But the support you get from your own community is invaluable. So don’t ignore it, appear regularly at these places, make a couple of good friends who are also interested in the native culture, and soon you will find yourselves exploring the new culture you are in together.
Here are some important knick knacks you should consider bringing from home, when going abroad for a long period of time:
- Photos – Sentimental as it may seem, nothing beats looking at photos of your friends and family back home. Place them around your home and on your work desk too, and colleagues will check them out and make conversation. Pick interesting photos.
- Toys – Yes, men should consider bringing these from home too. Whether it is a soft-eared bunny toy, a favourite computer game or fabric dolls – the more settled they make you feel, the better. (A note for men, there is nothing embarrassing about having toys in your home, women love discovering a man’s softer side!)
- Music from home – Being abroad helps you to appreciate what you left at home. You may start listening to songs you never would have done in your own country (too cheesy at home), but remember to get your CDs before you fly as they may not be sold abroad, or may be expensive.
- Satellite viewing – These days you can access language channels with the right satellite dish. Being able to view programmes from your country is relaxing and reassuring. Coming home to your favourite TV programme from your home country helps you forget your daytime blues instantly!
- Autograph book & home videos – Something younger people do that everyone can learn from. Get all your friends and family to say something into a home video, or write a touching message in your book before you leave your home country. On days when you feel down abroad, reading these entries and watching your friends will remind you of how loved you are, and how much support you really have. If you keep a diary, bring copies of your old diaries abroad to remember the good times.
- Remembrances from your old job – A lot of people take on different jobs when abroad. If you are someone who enjoys a great job back home, but are doing something quite different abroad, such as waitressing or working in a drugstore, bring remembrances of what you have achieved back home. A note from your employer congratulating you on your task, certificates, trophies or awards, an article you wrote, or a song you recorded will help you feel important, even in a new country, where no one knows who you are, at least not yet.
In Part 2 of this article, you will find more tips on coping with living abroad, especially ways to assimilate into the new culture you live in, without losing touch of your own culture. Click here to see Part 2.
