Away from Home in a new Culture
Ways to Cope if you are feeling friendless while abroad
Living overseas is not like a holiday, for most it can be a trying and difficult time. These tips can make a difference.
Part 2 of article
Whether you are a student or a professional, if you have to live abroad for a long period of time you may start to feel left out or alienated from the new culture you live in, as well as lose touch with your own culture. These tips help you to gain confidence by building on what you have from home, and using that as a springboard to access the culture you live in now. Learning a new culture is not difficult, but living with it everyday can be demanding. Once you feel you belong, the feeling of estrangement disappears and you may never want to return to your own country!
Learn cooking
Independence! That is a word to love when being abroad. Learn things you never could at home, cook your own meals and do your own house decorating. Better still, learn to cook dishes from your hometown, and you can soon show your new friends how to. So what if you could never cook? At home your family and friends can poke fun at you, abroad, however, you are your own judge. Experiment wildly. Find supermarkets that stock exotic foods and you can start chatting up people from your own country at the same time.
Try new things
This is a continuation of the last point. Try music you never would have done, wear what you never would have back home…why not? This is your big chance to try a new lifestyle, and if you have always fancied wearing cowboy boots and a hat, now is the time to do it. You are a foreigner afterall, just having a ‘touristy’ spell.
Pick up the phone, get on a webcam
TV, the Internet - anything that moves will get you out of depression or loneliness. When in doubt, pick up the phone and ring someone from home, they will want to know how you are getting on. Don’t forget your friends from home, keep in touch and you will always know in your heart someone cares for you, no matter how tough things get abroad.
Be brave – make new friends
If you are a student on holiday, find a summer job where you meet lots of people, such as waitressing, working in a shop or eatery. If you are a professional, be bold. Go on speed dates and blind dates, join a club (e.g. reading group or local sports club), or volunteer at the local charity shop. The more people you meet the better, even if you are naturally a hermit of sorts. There are exponential payoffs here.
Learn the humour
If you can tell a joke like a native person, you are on the road to becoming one of them. Humour is a great communication tool, but you have to use it right. Making an ironic joke in America may be seen as being sarcastic, laughing at someone’s expense in Asia can be offensive. In some countries, laughing at yourself is the quickest way to the people’s hearts; in others, laughing at everything works better. Saying something rude may be hilarious in the West, but may not be taken well in the East. Tread carefully but try a joke when you are confident. The best way is to mimic: recite a joke you have heard told by a native word-for-word and watch the response. Once you get the laughs you will know what kind of jokes warm people up. What is not helpful is laughing at people from your own culture in an attempt to pass off as a ‘native’.
Through a tourist’s eyes
If only you were a tourist…and you could be! If you pretend you are visiting the country for the first time, you will start to see it through new eyes. It will inspire you to try all the ‘good stuff’. Go to the museum, watch a play, visit ‘touristy’ places. It may sound cheesy but at the end of the day tourists have more fun.
Spruce up your home
When your home feels like a real home, it will not matter which country you are in. Take time to make your house comfortable (knickknacks from home will help, see article one for this). Invest in creature comforts – this hobby may seem costly at first, but will lift your spirits in the long run. Breathe life into your home with plants, and if you are living in the country long-term, possibly a pet.
Once your inner and domestic life feels just like home, with all the richness of nostalgia and good memories, you will have more confidence to explore the new terrain through fresh eyes. The important thing to remember is to keep an open mind, relax a little and be careful not to build 'thick walls' around yourself (i.e. avoid the 'they are the enemy' mentality).
To return to Part 1 of this article click here.
