Coping with Solitude in a Relationship
Dealing With Being Alone When Your Spouse Works Out of Town
May 13, 2009
Most people will be alone at some point in life, whether for a short time or on an extended basis. While the most difficult time to be alone is after a divorce or following the death of a spouse, being alone on a briefer basis can also be hard. When one has a spouse who travels out of town on work, even if one considers oneself to be independent and self-sufficient, the days can still be hard to get through.
Coming home to an empty house, feeling that one has to deal with everything, from kids to pets to errands or social engagements by oneself, being unable to collaborate with one's spouse on projects and having one's sex life curtailed can be problematic.
Prolonged aloneness can prey on the mind and lead one to experience feelings of jealousy, resentment or anger. Learning how to cope with being alone is a good way to gain self awareness and keep one's life full and satisfying.
Stay in Touch
Maintaining contact palliates the difficulties inherent in enduring solitude while one's spouse works out of town. Especially if one has moved to a place away from family and long term friends in order to support one's spouse's career, the separation may be particularly hard.
Arrange a time to converse on the phone on a daily basis, if possible. Knowing that a spouse will call consistently — except in case of emergencies or other arrangements — lessens the feeling of abandonment that can overtake the mind. This way, the details of one's day can be discussed or, even if there's little to say, one can enjoy the familiarity of the other person's voice.
Maintain a Routine
Keeping a structure to one's day diminishes the moments where one will feel lonely. Boredom easily leads to a painful missing. Focusing one's routine on stabilizing patterns of meals, work, volunteer jobs, relaxation and social or creative activities will increase one's ability to cope with being alone.
Trying Different Activities or Making Contacts
Feelings of loneliness can often be eased by enjoying a variety of activities or social interactions. Without putting oneself in the jeopardy of having an affair, another anxiety or longing that can beset the lonely mind, one can still take courses, attempt new skills, set up a movie or theatre night with friends.
Turn to the social contacts that have already been developed as a support system. Through trying a range of activities one also meets new contacts who can diminish the ache of loneliness. Reach out to others through the phone or in person when one is getting depressed or feeling overwhelmed by being alone.
Celebrating Solitude
Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. Solitude can be completely beneficial. One can take a break from the demands of constantly having to interact with a partner and focus on one's own needs more exclusively. Evenings can be for activities that one's spouse doesn't necessarily appreciate or enjoy. In solitude, one can spend more time thinking, dreaming, creating and moving towards a process of deeper self-awareness.
This process of adjusting to solitude takes courage at times. One must be strong and grounded as a person to truly thrive in solitude. While one is alone, take the time to grow.
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