Fence Sitting Over Parenthood
Considering a Childfree Life
Jan 28, 2009 Joanne E. Brannan
Some people know from a young age that they do not want children, and never have doubts about their choice. Many, however, find the decision very difficult, even if ultimately they become completely comfortable with their choice. It can be useful to talk to others who are, or who have been, in the same “fence sitting” situation; at such a time the many online childfree and parenting communities may help.
Childfree Communities Online
The internet hosts many childfree communities, from the aggressively anti-child/anti-parent groups, to communities who simply want to talk of subjects other than parenting and to offer support on the everyday issues of being childfree. There is a great deal of support available on the internet to those deciding whether to remain voluntarily childless.
Couples Considering Parenthood
It is important that partners be completely honest with each other if their attitudes towards having children differ. Misunderstandings and resentment can build up without effective communication. Neither preference is “right” or “wrong”, in some couples the man longs for a baby but the women does not, in others the reverse is true.
Some people may change their minds over time, for example by spending time with children you can gain some insight into how you would really react to being a parent. If you are truly honest and understanding with your partner you have a much greater chance of resolving any differences.
Weighing the Options: Parenthood or Childfree
The choice of whether or not to be a parent is very personal one, but in the modern world it really is a choice. There are advantages and disadvantages whichever decision you take, but choosing the path best suited to you makes it much easier to accept the challenges and joys of life – the life you choose to live.
- Some people find it helpful to talk to an independent counsellor when considering this important decision.
- Visualizing day to day life with, or without, children is another useful way to reflect. Overall, would having children be a positive influence for you and for them?
- Many books have been published offering advice to “fence sitters” unsure of whether or not to have children.
The Pressure on Childfree Women to Have Children
When childfree women, sometimes known as Purple Women, explain their choice, they are often met with disbelief (“you’ll change your mind!”), or are accused of being selfish or unfeminine. They may be pressured by their parents hoping for grandchildren, or find that friends drift away as they have children. Despite sometimes feeling isolated by their choice, most love the freedom of not having children.
Related Articles
- Childfree by Choice: More and More Women are Choosing Not to Have Children
- Childfree Interviews: Women Speak of Choosing Not to Have Children
Considering Remaining Child Free by Choice
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