Free Emotions by Owning and Expressing Feelings
How to Stop Repressing and Start Feeling Emotions
Oct 13, 2009
Everyone has emotions – it's what makes people human. Emotions are how the human body expresses what's going on inside.
Expressing feelings is natural; boredom is how a person knows it's time to try something new. Sadness is a sign of loss or pain around a difficult situation. Anger indicates a boundary needs to set. Joy affirms the goodness of life. Enthusiasm displays passion and zest. As people stop repressing and instead start expressing feelings, they learn to handle difficult emotions with ease.
Why Suppress and Repress Emotions?
Emotions are vibrations, similar to sounds; just as a key on a piano reverberates when tapped, a person's body emanates a vibration when touched by experience. So why do so many people suppress and repress emotions, even the pleasant ones? Some people can allow sadness, anger and maybe even amusement to bubble up, but can't seem to touch the highs of joy or enthusiasm. Others can be joyful to a fault and stuff their sadness and anger down until it expresses itself in physical aches and pains. Imagine a musician playing one key or chord their whole career, not venturing into the variety of resonance among other notes.
Children have free emotions. Tears are shed then laughter resumes, anger boils up then simmers down. Yet most people are raised to believe that emotions are inappropriate and are to be controlled. Over time, as people shove their unwanted emotions into every inside pocket of their body, they begin to feel unreal and unsure of what they truly feel.
Every so often, when an old wound is triggered, a blaze of anger may blast out, scorching those nearby, or a tidal wave of sadness may threaten to drown them. It's no wonder people begin to suppress and repress emotions. Yet, it's the unexpressed emotions that are the most intimidating; they band together like bullies, waiting to pounce at a vulnerable moment. Yet when emotions are acknowledged and faced straight on, they soften, lighten and release all together.
How to Express Emotions Safely
As a person becomes familiar with emotions instead of afraid of them, it is easier to express them in the moment. Expressing them may be done silently and inwardly by just experiencing the emotions. At other times shedding tears, punching a pillow, or laughing out loud may be the most appropriate. When a person owns their emotions, they never need to throw them at someone else or blame another for them; they just acknowledge, accept and feel them, and soon they release. Try these suggestions as a way to become comfortable expressing emotions.
- Spend time each day with the body. Get out of the head and spend 10 to 15 minutes each day in the body feeling sensations, aches, pains and any emotions present. Just notice and accept what is there. Don't try to change anything. Breathe into more difficult sensations and feelings. Watch how they come and go without doing anything.
- Look underneath for emotions. With any aches and pains, look deeper for emotions. Some may be new and fresh, others may be old and crusty, but raw underneath – be gentle with these, allow them time to be uncovered, and soothe them the way you would nurture a child.
- Feel the vibrations. Imagine your body is like a piano, with lower notes of boredom, sadness and anger, and higher notes of amusement, joy and enthusiasm. Envision touching the lowest note and let the vibration flow through your body. Notice how it feels to be in apathy or boredom. Then go up a note and touch onto the key of sadness. Notice how this feels different. Work your way slowly up all of the notes until you reach the high of end of enthusiasm. Play with each emotion until they all feel comfortable.
- Release other's emotions. Some people take on their spouse's, children's, parent's or friend's emotions. They may match another's emotion in sympathy or unconsciously express a loved one's repressed emotion. Either way, taking on other's emotions is not helpful and can feel heavy and overwhelming. Imagine letting it go and giving it back to the other person so they have the opportunity to express and release it.
- Acknowledge emotions as they arise. As soon as something triggers an emotion, allow it to be there. Breathe into it and just feel it; don't think about it or make a story of it. If it needs further expression, allow yourself the time and space to do this. It may mean leaving a crowded room to find privacy to cry or scrunch and twist a towel.
- Communicate after releasing charged emotions. Some emotions can be particularly charged, often as a result of stuffing previous feelings. Before lashing out at someone or saying something inappropriate, take time alone to feel and process the emotion, then communicate what needs to be said to the other. If there isn't an opportunity for this, center within and stay connected to inner feelings and sensations during the conversation.
As people stop repressing and start feeling emotions, they feel lighter, healthier and more authentic, expressing feelings as they arise in appropriate ways.
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