How to Say "No” Without Regret
Taking Control of Your Life and Commitments
For anyone who routinely says "yes" when all they really want to say is "no", understanding how is key.
With all the advancements in technology the average person’s expectations of how much they can multi-task has increased ten-fold, leaving them with a mistaken belief that they are invincible. Yet they’re still human, their ability to cope with everyday stresses has not changed, but too often people push themselves beyond what is realistic, taking on more commitments than they should.
For anyone who has found themselves saying “yes” when they really wanted to say “no”, here are five tips on what to consider next time they are confronted with a decision.
Knee-Jerk Reaction
Often times when someone asks for assistance people automatically say ‘yes’ without giving it much thought. Maybe they are in the middle of something else and not really paying attention to the request or perhaps it is just a knee-jerk reaction to anything that is requested.
Much of this has to do with the speed at which the world operates these days. Everything is so lightening fast and people are constantly operating in fifth gear that they don’t think through their decisions adequately. That’s why it is important that before saying “yes” people….
Think Before Speaking
Instead of responding out of guilt, a mistaken belief that the requester will be upset if they say “no” or just because it’s the first word that comes to mind, it is important to take time to be very clear about what is being asked.
Stop and think. Ask for time to mull over the request or seek clarification about what really is involved. Even if the subsequent answer is “yes”, it is better to be sure about time required and the impact on other commitments before jumping in blindly. And remember…
Reject the Request not the Requester
Many times people are afraid that by saying “no” to someone they are rebuffing the person who is asking, when in fact, they are only saying “no” to what they are requesting. This is a very important distinction.
In fact, telling someone “no” in a polite and courteous manner, without hesitation, is more likely to garner a positive outcome than hemming and hawing or being elusive. So take the time and...
Be Honest
It is especially important that people are honest and realistic about what they can and cannot or do and do not want to do. The average person is far more likely to respect someone for their honesty.
The problem is that the person who doesn’t say “no” upfront runs the risk of having to back out later on, thereby causing more damage than good. By being honest from the start it allows the asker to go find someone who really wants to say “yes” and improves the possibility of not causing a rift in the relationship.
But honesty also has to do with the individual being asked. When someone is honest with themselves about what they want and don’t want, they are happier and healthier. That’s why it is important to…
KISS (Keep it Simple, Sweetie)
Once someone has chosen to say “no” it is best to keep it clean and simple. No long-winded explanations of other commitments or why they can’t help out. They need to be firm without apologizing for their response. Don’t waiver, don’t leave open the possibility that the “no” may change to “yes”, just say “no”.
Saying “no” isn’t always easy, but for anyone who has more than enough commitments in their life already it is often the right thing to do.
