Improving Listening Skills
How to Become a Better Listener and Improve Relationships
May 20, 2009 Anthony Vultaggio
Great listening skills build trust, credibility, and respect. A good listener can make people feel cared for and show them that their ideas matter.
Too many people focus on their response to a statement while the other person is speaking. These people are not communicating, they are simply repeating their views. True dialogue is interactive. It involves receiving information, evaluating that information against knowledge, then sharing a viewpoint.
Successful people are great listeners. They use the information they obtain from others to help them to advance their position. In sales, a great listener searches for clues to the factors that can motivate their prospect to buy. Great managers listen to employees to understand how to encourage them to do their jobs better.
Poor listeners can improve their skills. Here are several good ways to improve listening skills.
Focus on the Speaker to Be a Better Listener
Set aside distractions during a conversation to become a better listener. Forget other projects that must be done or phone calls that could interrupt. Define the amount of time in advance then forget all other tasks. If statements go long, ask a probing question to show that you're focusing and listening.
Stay Mentally Present During Conversations to Improve Relationships
Look for anchor words to repeat while the other person is speaking in order to stay in the moment. Make eye contact, lean forward and ask questions to engage the speaker during the conversation.
Avoid Interrupting When Listening to Another Person Speak
Interrupting is rude and distracting. It can come across as cold and can cause the speaker to lose their train of thought. If ideas come to mind, jot them down on a notepad then refer back to them when the speaker has concluded their point.
If an interruption is unavoidable, apologize to the speaker and ask permission to make a comment. This is helpful to break this pattern of interrupting.
Be Connected to the Speaker to Show that You Are Listening
In philosophical discourse, the ultimate goal is enlightened thought. This should be true of every conversation. Caring about the ideas that others offer makes a person a better listener. Listening without emotion makes people feels that their ideas don't matter. Listen should be a full body experience. Eyes, ears, brain and heart should be engaged. Watch for body language to understand the deeper meaning and the person speaking.
Be Open to Ideas When Listening to Others
Conversations are not debates. They are not wars. They are not a time to engage in a battle of ego with words. To be a good listener make an effort to understand the speaker. Look for merit in their thoughts and ideas even if they are different.
Listen First Then Let Ideas Simmer
Not everyone who speaks is seeking an answer or resolution to the problem they present. The art of listening means hear with an open mind. Reserve judgment. Let ideas simmer. Don't be quick to offer advice or act as counselor or therapist. Relax and understand that some people like bouncing ideas off other people because it helps the individual find a resolution on his/her own.
Truly good listeners listen with their eyes, ears, minds and hearts. They are empathetic. They care about the outcome but don't feel compelled to offer unsolicited advice or force their ideas or agenda. These people hear the words and understand the meaning behind the words. They use this information to motivate and inspire. The encourage others to discover solutions and let ideas take shape.
Great leaders have the ability to make each person feel as though their voice has been heard because truly, it has.
Listen is the Key to Success
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