Mastery of Love, Following the Four Agreements
A Plan from Toltec Nagual Don Miguel Ruiz for Unconditional Love
Jul 19, 2009
Achieving self-awareness is one thing, and using that awareness is another, and understanding its impact on the world is yet another. In the Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements takes a further step, explaining how achieving self-awareness leads to self-love and the ability to unconditionally love the world and those in it.
The Process of Domestication and the Wounded Mind
Ruiz asserts that all human minds are born with joy and love, but over time they become injured and wounded. The injuries are inflicted by society, during a process Ruiz refers to as Domestication.
Domestication tames the human spirit to survive the social order, but Domestication destroys joy and love, replacing them with fear and anger. To endure, people make decisions based upon that fear and anger. Thus, people become masters at protective responses to the pain of fear and anger.
When children find they can protect themselves from hurt by anger, they begin to become masters of anger. Mastery of anger is joined by the mastery of jealousy, sadness and self-rejection. These masteries lead to the mastery of denial, which Ruiz describes as a sophisticated system of lying to ourselves. People begin to believe the self-lies and believing their own lies tell those lies to those around them.
These masteries are designed to get rid of the emotional poison that comes from the injuries and wounds that were inflicted during Domestication. These responses are satisfying because they not only release the poison, but transfer the poison to another.
Relief from Emotional Poison; Damage to Self and Others
The result is a momentary relief for the person doing the transfer, but causes new injury to the person receiving the poison, damaging the relationship between the two people involved. New self-doubt and self-rejection arises for the person doing the transfer due to regret at causing the damage.
It happens insidiously, without conscious decision by anyone arising from the toxic masteries developed during Domestication. A life dominated by these toxic masteries results from unconscious agreements that a person makes with himself to utilize these masteries as both protection and relief from emotional wounds that fester in the mind.
Breaking the Cycle: Self-Awareness, Transformation & Love
Ruiz’ Toltec path is to become aware of these toxic masteries within. Mastery of Love makes clear that to break the cycle of emotional poison a person must be aware of the poison and take steps to cleanse it. The first steps are forming new internal agreements:
- Be impeccable with your word;
- Don’t take anything personally;
- Don’t make assumptions, and;
- Always do your best.
Knowing the path to self-awareness, leads to transformation and ultimately to self-love and then to love of others.
Mastery of Self-Awareness
In making and living with new self agreements, one must ask internal questions.
- When considering one’s own thoughts the question arises: Am I being honest with myself?
- When someone says something hurtful: Is this really the other person releasing their own mental poison?
- When planning a course of action involving others: Am I assuming this is their desire?
- When going through each day and conducting daily tasks: Am I doing the very best I can?
Through asking the questions internally and addressing them honestly the toxic self-agreements can slowly be replaced. A person then learns about himself and conducts his life in a manner compatible with self-love, which is needed to ultimately love others unconditionally.
Mastery of Transformation
Ruiz explains that the Toltec created the Mastery of Transformation. One engaged in Transformation is a Stalker. The Stalker, like a tiger or a jaguar, seeks out their own reactions to life during every moment. The Stalker actively and energetically asks the questions above. The Stalker is committed to change lifelong reactions, to change the mental routine, to take risks and make different choices. It is this commitment to change that ultimately brings about true Transformation and the ability to achieve self-love.
Mastery of Love
The goal is to be able to view the world with the eyes of love. The process to get there becomes as follows:
- Recognize and acknowledge one’s own wounded mind.
- Recognize and acknowledge one’s own emotional poison and the behaviors that result.
- Replace toxic self-agreements with healthy agreements.
- Live by these agreements.
- Actively review one’s own reactions to life situations with honesty.
- Appreciate and love one’s own essence.
Having done those things, then every person and all the world can become the object of love and joy unconditionally. Then love is mastered.
Easy to Read and Understand; The Mastery is Challenging
These are deep subjects that Don Miguel Ruiz explores in simple English often using parables and examples to bring his points home. The Mastery of Love sets forth goals that he says can be achieved. He says they can be achieved because he has done it, and he is no different from the rest of us. The book is easy to read, and easy to understand, but daunting in the action prescribed.
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