Overcoming Emotional Lability and Strong Feelings
Managing Emotions and Controlling Feelings for Sound Mental Health
May 11, 2009
Everyone has emotionss, but many experience them intensely, including anger, anxiety, grief, or depression. While emotional lability technically refers to a pathological level of emotions such as uncontrolled laughter or crying, the truth is that many people demonstrate mild and/or infrequent lability. Here emotions grow more intense or last longer than normal, or may otherwise be incongruent with the circumstances.
This article speaks to the normal and mild lability most people experience - the minor mood swings rather than the pathological levels needing treatment and/or medication. It is used here as the term when someone is experiencing a more emotional or hypersensitive mood, or has difficulty controlling their emotions, for instance exaggerated feelings, becoming easily upset, or crying for little reason. One may hear “You are making a mountain out of a molehill.”
As one matures he or she learns better ways of coping and problem solving based upon thought, logic, and experience. But even adults get intense and unmanageable feelings that affect behavior. Often one’s inappropriate language, remarks, or negative or self-defeating behavior is based upon intense emotions. Divorce, for instance, is often a consequence of emotions left uncontrolled in the long term.
It has been said that feelings cannot be controlled. But for civilization people must recognize and control emotions so they do not become indiscriminate and dominant features of one’s personality and behavioral pattern. In fact, the primary difference between functional and dysfunctional families is the ability and/or inability to manage feelings or channel them in a positive manner.
Managing Feelings and Controlling Emotions
There is a wide variety of strategies to help control emotions, These include relaxation and breathing techniques, learning better communication styles, meditation techniques, yoga, learning better problem solving methods, physical exercise, journaling, prayer, and even changing one’s environment.
- Count to ten. It's an old adage, but it's effective. Feelings may be real, but they are often transitory and dissipate with time, and counting to ten gives pause until emotions adjust back to normalized levels. People are often advised “not to say or do anything when angry” or “not make a major decision when upset,” again, as it allows time for the emotional intensity to subside and for the thinking process to re-surface.
- Use humor. The use of humor is an excellent way to deflect or neutralize certain feelings such as the anger one may feel when criticized.
- Anchoring is one of the desensitization techniques, a method for focusing on an area outside of the parameters of a particular feeling to immediately desensitize a person to the causation of the emotion.
- Reframe your thoughts. Reframing the thoughts, attitudes and actions of others is another common technique. If a person said something which one interprets as an insult, one can feel anger. If one reframes that to understand “where the person was coming from” then the resultant feeling may naturally dissipate.
- Cognitive restructuring. This method involves changing the way that one thinks, replacing certain negative thoughts with more rational ones, using logic and thought to achieve a more balanced perspective and help override the emotion. For instance, instead of saying "It’s hopeless”, one might say "It's frustrating but it's not the end of the world.”
- Detachment. This method is a coping technique frequently used in alcoholic families. Detachment is a conscious act of releasing oneself from an emotional attachment. Instead of losing oneself in intense emotions, it is a type of planned “depersonalization” to let go of negative emotions.
- Attend therapy. Professional counseling is very helpful if emotions are really out of control and affecting behavior, communication, relationships and/or sleep. Counselors can help one learn better coping skills, assertiveness training, anger management, better communication styles, or how to look at self-defeating behaviors such as impulsiveness or low frustration tolerance levels.
- Visit a self-help group. Self-help groups such as Emotions Anonymous also help people for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties. Group support through this program has been known to work miracles in the lives of many who suffer from emotional problems.
Everybody experiences feelings, but only occasionally do they become so intense that they interfere with relationships or peace of mind. If so, one should practice these options for dealing with emotions.
Managing emotions is not easy and at times one may need some assistance. At the very least, talk with friends or family about ways to constructively deal with emotions.
Related Reading
Readers may also enjoy reading Happiness is a Warm Puppy along with How to Have a Happy and Healthy Family and 5 Steps for Managing Your Emotions.
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