Giving up the Role of Victim
Accepting Personal Responsibilty of Your Problems
It is easy to blame others for unfortunate events that take place in our personal lives, but if you stopped and gave it some thought, you would realize we always play a significant role in every thing that comes our way, whether we are to "blame" ourselves or not.
Dr. Wayne Dyer's Philosophy
Internationally renowned speaker and author Dr. Wayne Dyer is a huge advocate on accepting personal responsibility. Accepting personal responsibility is very difficult as many times, it truly seems your misfortunes are someone else's fault. Not always the case.
Accepting Personal Responsibilty
One half of a marriage may be quick to point out that the marriage ended because of the other spouse's affair. But let's say it was the husband committing the adultery. The wife needs to ask herself if she participated in the marriage with one hundred percent effort. What responsibility must she take for her husband's infidelity? Or did the woman simply go into the marriage knowing her husband struggled with commitment? Was she hoping it would all end once the vows were said, knowing deep down it wouldn't?
Own Your Misfortune
Not being resentful or continuously passing blame allows you to own your misfortune, and then learn from it or leave it behind. If you continuously blame others for what has gone wrong in your life, you will always be the victim waiting for them to make the necessary changes for you to get over the bad thing that has happened. You give the blamed person the power for your happiness.
Taking Resonsibilty Gives You Power
In the case of the wife whose husband had the affair, if she goes through the years blaming her husband for her bitterness and unhappiness that follows the discovery of the affair, she needs her husband to somehow put an end to her unhappiness. If, however, the wife refuses to be the victim, accepts personal responsibility for her situation and concedes that her husband will not change, she now owns her problem and can make the changes necessary to move on.
When You Have No Fault
Even in the case where you truly have no personal responsibility for whatever has come your way, by not carrying resentment, you allow yourself to move forward rather than remaining stuck in a place of depression or constant anger.
Making the Choice of No Resentment
A good example is a child whose parents did not provide the necessary comforts for a rewarding childhood. As this child becomes old enough to make his own decisions, he has the choice to forever be victimized and blame his parents, giving them the power to keep him miserable, or the child can take ownership of his childhood, take the power away from his parents, and get the help he needs to move up and out of that horrible life.
Accepting personal responsibility doesn’t necessarily mean accepting fault; it simply means owning the problem so that you have the power to fix it. Any time we blame or resent, we stay in the role of victim and give the resented person the power to keep us miserable or the power to make us happy. You never want anyone but yourself to be responsible for your well being. Personal responsibility gives you the power to be your own personal hero, giving you the strength to make your life what you want it to be.
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