How to Not Take Things Personally
Forbidding the Opinions of Others to Affect Your Self Worth
When someone verbally diminishes your self worth or insults your being in some way, it is very difficult to let it go and not be hurt or offended. Humans are programmed to base their belief of who they are on what others say or feel about them.
Are You Really Stupid?
But imagine if someone called you stupid. Are you really stupid? Or is that just the speaker’s own anger, own opinion, based on nothing but his own assumptions and emotions at that particular moment? What if you could simply say, “I am not stupid” and walk away from the exchange of words unscathed? The person calling you stupid has his own issues that he is taking out on you, but in reality, it has nothing to do with you. There is nothing personal about the exchange. Don’t take it personally.
Believe in Yourself
If you have an idea for a business or book or invention and no one backs you up on it, does that mean you are dumb and lacking in talent? Not if you refuse to believe it. If children's writer J.K. Rowling believed the 12 book publishers who turned down the first Harry Potter book, she would not be not be the billionaire author that she is today. She refused to take the rejections personally and responded to the rejections by firmly believing Harry Potter was a fantastic book. Ms. Rowling continued to bring the manuscript to more publishers until someone agreed with her.
Taking it Personally Undermines Your Worth
In his inspiring book The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz describes taking things personally as the “ultimate act of selfishness” because when you take things personally, you assume everything is about you. This is an interesting philosophy, one that deserves deep consideration.
In his bestselling book The Power of Intention, Dr. Wayne Dyer says that when you allow the opinions of others to be more important than your opinions of yourself, you lose self respect. This is a valid statement. You deserve to believe you are valuable and worthy. Believing otherwise is disrespectful to yourself.
You Are in Control of Your Response
Not taking things personally is a fairly simple concept to understand, but very difficult to follow through on. Not allowing yourself to be insulted or hurt by another’s words or actions requires an enormous amount of inner strength.
You can begin by reminding yourself that you are not in control of what others say or do, but you are 100 percent in control of how you respond. When someone treats you harshly, remind yourself that you can choose how to react, then choose to react in a way that leaves you with dignity and self respect. Do not take it personally, and refuse to believe what has just been said about you.
Don't Rely on Others to Tell You Self Worth
The concept of not taking things personally is important in all aspects of life, not just when someone is treating you unkindly. Basing your self worth on the positive opinions of others is not healthy either, for you will always be looking for someone other than yourself to tell you are fabulous or talented or special.
Don’t take anything personally. Not what your mother says about you, your teacher, your partner, your best friend. People’s opinions are just that – opinions. There is only truth in them if you believe there is truth. Believe that whatever harsh words are being thrown at you have nothing to do with you. They are all about the speaker and his or her own issues. You can't control what others say or do, but you can control what you say or do in your response. Nothing has to be personal.
Sources: The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz; The Power of Intention and Ten Secrets for Success and Inner Peace - Dr. Wayne Dyer
