Writing a Condolence Card
How to Write a Sympathy Card or Condolence Note for a Loss Survivor
Handwritten Sympathy Notes and Condolence Cards are a very important of the grieving and healing processes for those who have lost a loved one.
We live in a time where everyone is texting, instant messaging and sending emails on a daily basis. However, when it comes to sending condolences for the loss of a loved one, sending a genuine handwritten note, card or letter is still the best way to send your sympathies according to the etiquette and bereavement experts.
Sending a Condolence Note or Sympathy Card is a demonstration of your support for the grieving person and/or family.
Sympathy Card, Condolence Note, Sympathy Letter – What Are the Differences?
The terms Condolence Notes or Sympathy Cards are often used interchangeably even as Condolence Cards or Sympathy Notes. These are the forms used to express condolences or sympathies immediately as a card or as a short note.
In contrast, the Condolence Letter or Sympathy letter is a longer, more formal expression of sympathy. The formal Condolence Letter should be sent within a few weeks of the loss or death as a follow up after the Condolence Note.
How to Write the NOTE
After reviewing thousands of condolence letters, Zunin and Zunin shared the four key elements to include when writing a Condolence Note in their book The Art of Condolence.
The key elements are: 1.) Acknowledging the loss and the name of the deceased. 2.) Expressing your sympathy. 3.) Noting special qualities of the deceased and 4.) Ending the letter with a thoughtful word, a hope, a wish or expression of sympathy.
Writing a Condolence or Sympathy Note can be very simple if you break it down into four areas of the NOTE (slightly adjusted to create a memory aid).
- Name the deceased and acknowledge the loss.
- Offer your sympathy or condolences.
- Tell a Story or Share a Memory.
- End with a thoughtful expression.
Following the simple NOTE pneumonic will help in remembering the four elements to include in a Condolence Note: Name, Offer Sympathy, Tell a Story and End thoughtfully.
Suggested Ways of Closing a Condolence Note
Finding the best way to end a Sympathy Card can be challenging. The typical endings "Sincerely," "Love," "Fondly," or "Warm Personal Regards" which end other correspondences are not the best closing phrases for sympathy notes or condolence letters.
When closing a sympathy card or condolence note use thoughtful words, a prayer or a simple expression of sympathy as suggested by Zunin and Zunin. Here are some suggestions for closures:
- You are in my thoughts
- Thinking of you
- You are in my thoughts and prayers
- I'm praying for you
- With Deepest Sympathy
- My Sincere Sympathy
- Sympathy from all of us
- With Heartfelt Condolences
Benefits of Sending Condolence Notes
One of the main reasons to send a Condolence Note is to help the survivors with their grieving and healing. A Condolence Card tells the survivors that you cared about the person and about them enough to take the time to send a card.
Following the death of a love one, family members want to know that they have the support of others in the community to make it through the difficult time. It is also important to know that their loved one was cared for by others. The Condolence note is a way of feeling the support of the community in the grieving process.
The bereaved person may find themselves re-reading condolence notes or cards as a physical reminder of the caring and support from friends and family. Condolence Notes and Sympathy Cards can even become treasured mementoes and family heirlooms that are passed down in boxes from one generation to the next.
The next time you hear of someone's death, take a couple of minutes to sit down, put a pen to paper and write out a Condolence Card or Sympathy Note. The benefits to the survivors may be beyond measure.
Resources:
Dyer KA. 2008. How to Write a Condolence Note or a Sympathy Note. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. 2008. How to Write a Condolence Letter. Squidoo.com
Zunin and Zunin. 1991. The Art of Condolence. New York, N.Y.: HarperCollins Publishers.
© 2008 Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT.
